Change is not for the Faint Hearted

The fact is, that to do anything in the world worth doing, we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in and scramble through as well as we can. Robert Cushing                         


In recent weeks I've had a really serious health scare. It brought me to make some life changes that I tried to avoid for a long time.
I have always  been into being healthy. I ate  right ..exercised on a fairly regular basis but I guess it wasn't enough.
I was rushed to the E.R. on a Tuesday morning and spent most of the day in the ER while  Doctors tried to determine what the hell was going on. The simple tests gave no clue yet my symptoms were getting more serious as time went on. Eventually they admitted me and there I stayed for a week.
During my stay at the "Hotel St. Mary's" I was poked..pinched and prodded as the medical staff tried to determine what the hell was going on.
 Eventually the Doctor came in with the story. I have a stress related disorder that is causing havoc with my stomach. It's nothing to ignore because it could lead to life threatening  consequences.

 It is time for some life changes.

I had to explain my stresses to a therapist and together ( more her wisdom then mine) we came up with a life plan. Part of this plan was I  have to learn a healthy way of life and  remove myself from the things that caused me stress.
 For homework the therapist  had me write down all the things that cause my stomach to hurt. Then I had to go through and make changes.
 I have to be honest this was hard. My tendency is to obsess and internalize things until it builds up to the point of explosion. Hence my family associating me with "Drama". I recently discovered that in my family it is considered an insult to be called "Mini Jane". That was very hurtful.
 I realize now with the help of this wonderful therapist that it's not "drama" but the inability to walk away from things that are negative and not good for me. I focus on the problems instead of the solutions. All this is reeking havoc with my insides.
 The first step in my life style change was to really do some soul searching. I had to face ugly facts and own them, It wasn't pleasant to be sure. No one wants to see what they've done. We mostly  focus on what others do or have done to us. It's a natural human reaction to find fault in others but not see our own.
Slowly.. I'm coming to realize that once I've owned my actions I'm no longer a hostage to the guilt for the things others deemed wrong. I have the right to do what best for me with out criticism or judgment. In that token I also have learned to allow others the same respect.
I understand that the opinions  of the people I trusted and held in high regard ..  are simply  "their opinions". What's right for them doesn't necessarily mean it's right for me.
 It's time for me to stop defending and instead respecting myself.  I think it's  time I start listening my needs when it comes to  making "my" life healthier.
 It takes conscious effort to come out of your comfort zone ( whether it be  good or bad) and change so much of what is our personal norm.
In personal interactions..reactions are the hardest.. because as much as you try to change... people around you haven't. Those you are the closes too are the hardest.
 There are some ..I've come to realize.. I will never have a healthy relationship with and needed to just  walk away. There re others that I  have to hold at a distance for right now. I'm working on changing my reaction to the triggers. Lets face it.. we all have people in our lives who  know how to push our buttons.. as we do theirs.. and do it either consciously or subconsciously.
 Of course we can't change others but I can change my reaction and what I'm willing to except.
Maintaining my privacy I've learned is very important. This is the biggest and most important change of all for me.
For years I was open about my issues and problems .  I no longer want to be "Naked on the Green."
I am learning  to deal with my concerns privately.. eliminating the opportunity for hurtful gossip. I'm not foolish enough to think there won't still be gossip but it won't be mine and I won't be listening to others.
This ordeal has taught me that it takes much more then a healthy diet and exercise to maintain a healthy body. We need to also gain self respect and acceptance of who we are. We must love and trust ourselves. Stop putting value on what others think of us.. at the same time start understanding that everyone is different. We all have different thoughts of what is right  and acceptable, No one should live by an others  standards.. we need to be true to our own belief and character or we loose our very souls.
My goal from this day forward is to work on me. To stop placing blame but except my shortcomings and work toward a healthier me.
This whole experience has changed me...I want to be a better person.

Look within, for within is the wellspring of virtue, which will not cease flowing, if you cease not from digging.
- Marcus Aurelius

The Men have the last word...

I didn’t discover curves; I only uncovered them.
Mae West

Twiggy..Kate Moss ..the Olsen twins...along with a bunch of other extremely thin and childlike body types the represent beauty in the media today. The so called shapely women of Hollywood  are a size 6. This is a hard act to follow yet the majority of  America's young women aspire to do just that.

Today I went to the gym. I had an appointment to meet with a trainer  the gym provides to get a personlized workout program set up.
  As I walk through the door...waiting for me was a 20yr old young lady wear spandex workout clothes that left nothing to the imagination. I'm gonna call this little gum popper "Daisy" because of her blond hair ..blue eyes..giggle after every sentence..ways. She was just so sweet..right?
As I do the required questioner..I start to see that this isn't going to go well. She asked why did you come to the gym?  Hmm...we're at the gym..I'm dressed to sweat...I don't know ..Knitting class?
I tell her to strengthen and tone. Then she says..let's get your weight..come over and stand on the scale (giggle)... I do as I'm asked ( hating every minute)...she also takes my height...then she says with a frown "well your in the high end of your percentile". What the hell am I.. a toddler?  OK..now I have to confess... I really hate being checked out by someone who is super thin...with no hips and a padded bra.I feel all fat and old..not my goal mind you.
She then proceeds to set up my goal chart. On this she write needs to lose 15 lbs. Ah no... no Daisy.. I don't want to lose a pound, I weigh 130 and I'm 5'5 that is just fine. She rolls her eyes ..pops her gum and let out this (if it were my kid I'd slap them) sigh. I try to stay centered and say "all I want.. is to get an exercise program to tone and strengthen". Daisy then  tells me that I should weigh 115 at the highest.(giggle..pop). I could have smacked her right then and there. Instead I very calmly said.."Get rid of the gum until we're finished...it's not professional". I then inform the gum popping Daisy that"I have no intention of getting any thinner. What I weigh now is  fine..any less I'd be emaciated."
Daisy became  upset ( not sure if it's because she had to throw away her gum or that I wouldn't agree to her directives)  and gave me attitude. I said"lets go ask some of the guys what they think."
Daisy.. not a happy camper.. stated" It's not our policy to disturb the other patrons of the gym" and went over to the desk and to tell on me.A gentleman trainer came over and asked if there is a problem, Um..Yes there is. I  explained my issues about weight loss. He told me that is the guideline they follow as trainers.
 I.. being me.. said "I don't care" and then went about  the gym asking  older men ...younger men..straight and  gay men their views on the subject . It was unanimous..they all prefer curves vs. skin and bones.Some of the gentlemen where very explicit about just where those curves should be too!
I was validated! I  love my curves and don't want to be any different.
The reason I go to the gym is to tone up not lose my curves. I just want to be healthy and fit. Why do I have to be super thin? Who decided that is the "Look"?
I look at the most famous "Beautiful women" in history and they are all voluptuous and curvy. I think it's a shame we as women feel inadequate because we aren't the magazine version. I would love a magazine that portrays the  real woman and show their beauty. I would love for young girls to aspire to be healthier and fit instead of thin and waif like. I would love a magazine that teaches women  beauty comes in all shape and sizes but the real beauty comes from with in.

Love of one self and confidence in themselves is really where beauty comes from.. that with out it ..the shell may look like a beauty queen yet be the ugliest of people.Beauty is how you feel inside and it reflects in you eyes. It is not something physical. ~ Sophia Loren

Looking for my Self Worth ..have you seen it?

The end of pain we take as happiness. ~ Giacomo Leopardi


 I'm a slow learner but I finally got the message.I've been taking  people whom I love and loved me ..for granted. I knew they'd aways be there.. it never registared how my actions hurt them..
Because of my feelings of inadequacy.. I gave someone the power to effect my life in a negative way ..for a very difficult 12 years.
The shame is all mine for doubting my self worth.
Sadly ..until recently I didn't understand how deeply I was loved .This person never had any power... I was blinded by my fears.
My epithany happened when I read  their post "Wishes there was a radiation therapy to weed out the cancerous people from my life" I decided it was time to give them what they asked for. I needed to let go and take back my power.Walking away has been very therapeutic I have a feeling of  being released from a weird kind of bondage. It's a huge sense of relief..I was putting all this pressure on myself for nothing. 
This out come was inevitable and a long time coming. 
 I've learn a very valuable lesson.. no one should  have to try so hard to forge a  relationship with another. You don't have to like everyone...even family. If they choose not to be apart of your life ..let go and move forward. Leave them to their own lives.
I hold no animosity in my heart anymore. I wish this person well in their journey and in a strange way I'm grateful to them for helping me to finally let go and take back my power.


“You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don't know it, all of that doesn't even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It's not like you have forever, so don't waste any of your seconds, don't throw even one of your moments away.”
― C. JoyBell C.

What ever happened to Saturday mornings?

Some things can only be understood when you're in a tree house. With a pile of warm chocolate chip cookies. And a book. ~Dr. SunWolf

 It's safe to say.. I'm now officially of  the generation that looks at things and compares them to the past.
I do understand that times are different. The world is a much scarier place today. This saddens me deeply.
This morning as I was on my deck.. sipping my hot chocolate and reading the newspaper..I suddenly realized... somethings wrong.
I put down the paper and listen. Silence? It's Saturday morning.. where are the kids?
Our neighborhood has slowly transformed from elderly couples to young families over the past few years.So why is it so quiet? Where are the kids?
When I was growing up ( here it comes).We lived in the Brass Capitol of the world. Scovill Manufacturing built townhouses for their employees in the early 1900. Over the years young ...predominately "Catholic" families bought the homes ..so needles to say..there were plenty of kids of various ages.
Every Saturday morning we would get up and watch cartoons..have breakfast and be out the door by 10 am to kick start the day.
Your Mom would call your name every once in a while to "check" that your were still alive...other then that you were left to your own imagination,
The coolest part of living in these town houses was the "Back". The houses were built on two streets..Wood and Ives streets  had private yards that opened up to a big playing lot known as the "Back".
 We never lacked friends to play with. There was always a baseball game going on.We rode our bikes..built tents..played games..jumped rope and went sliding down the hill in the winter. It was a safe and happy place to be a kid... as we got older we hung out on the wall by Deprinci's tree..it was a special time and a great place to grow up.
Times have changed. The world is a harder place. Parent can't just let their kids go outside. They need to have supervised play for their own safety and protection.
Parent's are under so much more pressure. Jobs security and time restraints have led to structured play groups and after school programs.I worry that imaginations are being replaced by modern technology.That IPads..video games and  mind numbing videos are being used as babysitters replacing children's creativity.
Kids are shuffled to baseball ..soccer ..dance..and all kinds of other "Activities".
I'm not delusional..I know that not every kid in my era lived the same kind of life we did.
We were lucky.. Scotty and Rosie Joan were exceptional parents.My brother in law always jokes we live the "Brady Bunch" life and I guess he's right.
As I sit reflecting on the past..I just can't help wishing times were different and the kids today could have a little of that carefree time too.
.

It's so Freaking hot!

Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.
Russell Baker

I don't know about you but I just can't handle the heat any more. I remember being a kid and playing out  side in the hot sun all day long. The sun and sand never bothered me. Between baseball..rollerskating .. swimming..  and various other childhood activities..my days outside gave me a nice summer bronze while turning me into tow head blondie. As a teen.. I would ride my bike all over town with my friends in 90 degree heat ..  and think nothing of it.
My sissy's and I would lay out in the "Back "( I'll explain the "Back" in another post)  on the black asphalt slathered in baby oil and iodine to get the perfect tan. Loved it!
Then I had my first child and the sun and heat became the enemy. I don't know what happened..a chemical change.. hormones perhaps? All I know is... I never liked to be in the sun again. I would take the kids to the lake vs. the beach because of the trees and shade. I have 30 sunscreen on at all times. If it's 85 or over the air conditioning is blasting and I don't venture out until dusk. Now that I have hot flashes to add into the mix.. I find summer unbearable..even poolside!
I guess there are benefits from not doing sun as an adult. Fewer wrinkles? Less age spots? Not really sure.. but that's what my dermatologist tells me ever time I go in for mole patrol. All I know is that it has been HOT..MUGGY and unbearably HUMID in Connecticut! I'm miserable and very crabby. I long for  frigid temperature as I dream of winter!

I posted some tips that I discovered on the net to help keep us hydrated. If your read this.. I hope it helps ..Stay Cool!


http://healthyliving.msn.com/nutrition/7-refreshing-foods-to-help-you-stay-hydrated#1

 facebook.com

What ever happened to " I'll kick your ass?"

“I don't want everyone to like me; I should think less of myself if some people did.”
― Henry James

So what the heck is up with people theses days anyway huh!  Face book ..twitter ..texting
and blogging has apparently given some people a false sense of reality.
They are trying to create a reality that makes them look like something or someone they're not.
Now ..I can only speak for the bloggers I know personally. I am not calling out everyone who blogs.
I am also not calling anyone a liar but a twister of the truth. There is enough of the reality to make it believable so I will call it ..The bible according to  place name here.
For those who don't know me let me explain. I feel the bible is a wonderful book with good insight to living a healthy life. I don't.believe it's the word according to Jesus.I believe it's the interpretation of someone who heard Jesus speak.
 Do you remember the telephone game? The one where someone tells the next person in line something and then when it's gotten to the last person it's been twisted into something so far from what was originally said.. it's barley recognizable? This is how I feel about Face book and some blogs.
I love the entertaining blogs..informative ones..the beautiful ones about parents with children who have  issues basically positive up beat ones. (If I want  to hear about problems and depression I'll watch the 5 O'clock news.)
I am talking about the ones who use the Internet to complain or attack others.
I can't believe that something that should be so fun.. has become a tool to insult and humiliate people. What's with the strangers comments? They're quick to  agree with the poster ..when they haven't a clue to what really happened or about the other person character? Let's stop feeding  this madness..idiots!
I wonder what would happen if no one voiced any opinions on these post? Hmm... would the poster get the message? Most times the people reading the post don't know the real person they're admiring. They met in cyber land and only know the fabricated version . More times then not they are the polar opposite of that fabrication..
The false bravado that people get hiding behind the computer just bewilders me.
What happened to people? Why do they think it's "OK" to say things on the Internet they would never have the balls to say in person? Why are they such cowards?
I have been sitting back and reading different things posted by people I know. I feel so embarrassed for them. Do they really think we can't see the truth? Why do they  need to use the media to build up their self esteem? It's sad and a little scary too.Targeting people behind the computer is cowardly!
Think about it...if you can't say it to the person face maybe it shouldn't be said?
The first thing I think when I read post expressing animosity toward another is "What have you done that you feel the need to justify yourself in this post?".
If some one has something to say why not say  it straight to the persons face. Don't come through the back door.. hiding behind the computer. I detest this passive aggressive crap. Stop being a coward ..meet  face to face and duked it out. Yes..sometimes the earrings may come off...our hair will go back in a ponytail and we will break out the Vaseline but more  times then not you will clear the air and become friends.
Using the cyber media prevents each side the opportunity to share their feelings in an open "Private" discussion. 
 Cyber bullying is at an all time high. Oddly some of the adults who click like on the post against cyber bullying are cyber bullies themselves. Ain't that an ass kicker?
Now.. I'm not suggesting we all have to be friends. Frankly.. I have a long list of people that I choose to hold at a distance. I would never ..no matter how I feel about them ..put them on the chopping block to build myself up..or justify my actions. That's just wrong.
Too bad we can't all follow the wise advice of Rosie Joan "if you can't find something nice to say... then be silent! "
 Maybe Steve Jobs didn't do us such a great favor after all.

I am strong...I am invincible..I am woman!

Time is definitely a challenge for us gals isn't it?

Lets face the facts and then blame Eve... after all it's really her fault. Why couldn't she just leave the damn apple alone.

Thanks to her we start out  life on an equal playing field with the fellas.As time goes by things start to change. One day ..out of the blue..your mother comes to your room or in my case the bathroom (the majority of my adolescence was spent soaking in a bubble bath) to fill you in on natures plan. It takes a while  for one to recover from the horror she shares.  Then it's turns into a waiting game. The day finally comes and the eagle lands. You proudly think "I'm a woman now" just minutes before the death cramps start only to return every  month for the next 40 years. I remember there was a lot of  emotions and  trauma too. One negative thing that was burned into my memory for eternity was  going to the drugstore to purchase a box of pads. They were discreetly wrapped in brown paper (like that was fooling any one). The minute the  male pharmacist handed the box to me I felt like the world knew Janie Kyle had her period. Ugg!  Believe me when I say ..no one rejoiced more then I over the creation of the "Tampons"

Once we finally get accustomed to the "Curse" we enter a new stage "The Child Bearing Years".
I know that anyone who's given birth can appreciate the beauty of that process. You hold your precious bundle of joy..10 little finger ..10 little toes. document their first steps..first word (If you have a daughter.. there will come a time.. down the road.. when you'll wonder why you ever encouraged her to talk). Along with the bundle of joy comes the baby weight. You will spend the next 20 odd years struggling to get that  pre baby body back. Even if you walk out of the hospital in your skinny jeans ..there is always a change.

So now we fast forward ..after spending the last 20 years trying to get the body back the way it was.. you're just turning 40. Things are looking up... you're finally getting somewhere Yup.. you're looking good. Smack! The curse strike again. We are now  peri menopausal..lucky us. The kicker this time is..  it happens right around the time our daughters turns sixteen and their  hormones are running a muck. Suddenly your happy home is a war zone. You walk around with clenched fist..a vein popping out of your forehead.. ready to kill at the slightest provocation. The kids call you "Drama" while you're fantasising about ripping their hearts out through their nose. You don't understand what's happening!! For no reason at all your breaking out into a sweat ..laughing one minute.. sobbing the next.You can't breath and sleep is a thing of the past. The family is walking around the house in  winter coats.. hats.. and gloves while you're outside in a tank top and cut off shorts shoveling snow.No one dares to turn on the heat or close a window...it could mean instant death. How about those mood swings huh..aren't they the best?? That body you worked so hard to get back into shape is now doing things that you can't even fathom, Suddenly you're looking a lot like your mother..there's no more waist line and your shopping at Chico's instead of Forever 21. We won't mention the unsightly hair growth. Of course ..you may be lucky enough to have a granddaughter that notices the changes and points them out to you at the most embarrassing moments. Damn her and her bright.. precocious ways.Well ..at least she got my back..I think?
 So are you  thinking "what do we have to look forward to in the future?" I'm not really sure. This is  sort of a learn as you go  kind of thing and I haven't gotten that far yet.
All I know is we owe it all to Eve... I hope that f___ing apple was worth it.

Fitness tips for menopause: Why fitness counts

Regular physical activity is crucial for women facing menopause. Consider what physical activity can do for you — and how to apply fitness tips for menopause to your daily routine.

By Mayo Clinic staff
Menopause is an important transition in a woman's life. Use it as a reminder to take good care of yourself. Start by considering these fitness tips for menopause.

Why bother with fitness during menopause?

Whether you've exercised faithfully for years or you haven't been active, physical activity during and after menopause offers many benefits. For example, regular physical activity can:

• Prevent weight gain. Women tend to lose muscle mass and gain abdominal fat around menopause. Even slight increases in physical activity can help prevent weight gain.
• Reduce the risk of breast cancer. Physical activity during and after menopause can help you lose excess weight or maintain a healthy weight, which might offer protection from breast cancer.
• Strengthen your bones. Physical activity can slow bone loss after menopause, which lowers the risk of fractures and osteoporosis.
• Reduce the risk of other diseases. Menopause weight gain can have serious implications for your health. Excess weight increases the risk of heart disease and type 2 diabetes. Regular physical activity can counter these risks.
• Boost your mood. Physical activity can improve your psychological health at any stage of life.

Exercise is defiantly the key if for nothing else rage release!!

I am heading to Weedport N.Y. today for a "Kyle Family" wedding. I'm looking forward to good food ..good times and quality time celebrating with family.It's long over due. Have a great day ya'll!