Sunday, July 14, 2013

Looking for my Self Worth ..have you seen it?


The end of pain we take as happiness. ~ Giacomo Leopardi


 I'm a slow learner but I finally got the message.I've been taking  people whom I love and loved me ..for granted. I knew they'd aways be there.. it never registared how my actions hurt them..
Because of my feelings of inadequacy.. I gave someone the power to effect my life in a negative way ..for a very difficult 12 years.
The shame is all mine for doubting my self worth.
Sadly ..until recently I didn't understand how deeply I was loved .This person never had any power... I was blinded by my fears.
My epithany happened when I read  their post "Wishes there was a radiation therapy to weed out the cancerous people from my life" I decided it was time to give them what they asked for. I needed to let go and take back my power.Walking away has been very therapeutic I have a feeling of  being released from a weird kind of bondage. It's a huge sense of relief..I was putting all this pressure on myself for nothing. 
This out come was inevitable and a long time coming. 
 I've learn a very valuable lesson.. no one should  have to try so hard to forge a  relationship with another. You don't have to like everyone...even family. If they choose not to be apart of your life ..let go and move forward. Leave them to their own lives.
I hold no animosity in my heart anymore. I wish this person well in their journey and in a strange way I'm grateful to them for helping me to finally let go and take back my power.


“You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don't know it, all of that doesn't even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It's not like you have forever, so don't waste any of your seconds, don't throw even one of your moments away.”
C. JoyBell C.

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